Chapter 1
Parenting Is a
Serious Business!
“…the best thing that could happen to any married couple is to be able to raise a happy, close-knit family. Today, because of the intractabilities of modern living, parents and guardians find it extremely difficult to monitor or handle their children or wards.
THE WISE FARMER
Once upon a time, there was a wise farmer who wanted to reap a good harvest.
To achieve his aim, he chose the right season of the year for his planting. Next, he chose the right crop to plant and a land suitable for such a crop.
Then, he cleared the bushes, tilled the ground and planted his chosen seeds (action). He trusted that the seeds would germinate (belief)
Soon enough, he saw the sprouts as they germinated. As he rejoiced at the occurrence, a complication arose with weeds springing up threateningly in his farm.
But he did not allow the development to as much as blur his vision. He promptly weeded out the threat to protect the seedlings.
From time to time, he repeated the process of weeding around his treasured crop (struggle). Along the line, some other enemies emerged on the scene – birds, the grass cutters, insects, rats, etcetera. He set snares that caught the animals – prey that became blessing as food for his stomach rather than curses to his crop. He applied the appropriate remedies to eradicate the other threats too.
As he battled all these visible enemies, he prayed to God for the rains so that the growing crops would not die. Every day he watched his crops grow and he was happy as he patiently waited for them to produce fruits. Eventually, the fruits became ripe for harvest and his new worry was about the human thieves, who waited to reap where they did not sow!
So, the farmer hired the services of security guards to keep watch over his farm, day and night.
Finally, the right moment for harvest came! The yield was good!! He reaped a bumper harvest!
He made a more than sufficient allocation for the feeding of his household and sold the rest at a handsome profit. With the proceeds, he was able to build a house for himself, meet his transportation needs, pay his children’s school fees and cover the cost of other necessities. He was fulfilled and on top of the world.
The above story illustrates how wise parents ought to be committed to diligently bring up their children.
It reveals some fundamental issues of life. The farmer’s goal was to reap a bumper harvest but he did not just stop at that mental picture called vision. He took many more steps to demonstrate the following:
1. Faith in God - he prayed to God.
2. God’s support - there were rains.
3. Used Government provision to personal advantage (imported pest controls, etc)
4. He made the right choice of the land and the right crops.
5. He chose the appropriate time for planting (weather).
6. He laboured hard with strong determination to succeed.
7. He overcame all obstacles on the way: weeds, birds, thieves, rates, etc.
8. He persevered – come rain, come sunshine, he was always there.
9. He applied appropriate strategies to meet challenges in his farm – pesticides against destructive insects, guards against human enemies, etc.
10. Vigilance – he did not take things for granted as he watched over developments in every situation.
Such are the detailed steps that parents need to take in their relationship with, and in shaping the lives of their children.
In so doing, David was one parent who succeeded in shaping the destiny of his son, Solomon, contrary to what God intended for him.
According to Pastor E. A. Adeboye[1], “God loved Solomon, such that he intended him to be an object of LOVE. David on the other hand desired that he (Solomon) would rather be an object of PEACE. There is a difference between love and peace. After naming him Jedadiah, Solomon was never called by his God-given name. David preferred to call his son by the name he gave him and in the process derailed him from the planned destination of Love. Solomon along the line walked out of God’s love and ended up serving idols and instituting idolatry in the land. In his latter days, God only showed mercy on him because of David, not because of himself. In fact he lost his peace later as God stirred up three strong enemies against him. God started to fight against him. The one who was created as an object of eternal love became a beggar for the least of mercies!
King David altered the destiny of his son, Solomon, by making him an object of peace instead of God’s intent to make Solomon an object of love, whereupon Solomon’s reign became ridden with difficulties.”
A recent write-up in “The Punch” newspaper (Nigerian) also captured the current realities of parenting in the Nigerian society in the following three real-life experience:
“Emmanuel Balogun is a student in one of the tertiary institutions in the country. Everyone agrees he is a cool, gentle and respectful young man. He however has a different personality on campus. He is one of the most notorious boys on campus. One day, his group went to fight a rival cult group but he was unfortunate to have been arrested by the police. His mother almost fainted, as no one could believe Emma could hurt a fly, (not to) talk of killing a fellow human being.
Rebecca’s case is a different kind of notoriety. She was just in JSS2. But, unknown to her parents, she indulges in illicit sex with most of their neighbours, even married men, since she stays home most times after school while her parents are away at work. She became ill one day and was rushed to the clinic where she was diagnosed to have had an abortion. Her mother and elder ones could not believe their ears, a 13 year old? It caused a serious crisis which almost broke the family apart.
Odeh is another teenager that was sent out of school for raping a neighbouring school female student. He and his friend had previously been sent out of the hostel by the Principal because they usually sneaked out to parties at night. His mother couldn’t believe it. She thought she had done all that she needed to do.
According to the Punch newspaper under reference above, the best thing that could happen to any married couple is to be able to raise a happy, close-knit family. Today, because of the intractabilities of modern living, parents and guardians find it extremely difficult to monitor or handle their children or wards.
As parents, we should assess ourselves often to know how the lives of our children have been affected, negatively or positively, by what we do. What words have we pronounced or decreed into their lives? How have we insisted on their doing our bidding instead of their natural bent, even when there was clear evidence that our counsel might have been contrary to God’s destinies for them?
A simple example of these possibilities is found in parents who not only assist their children to engage in examination malpractices but go as far as purchasing fake, high WAEC and/or JAMB scores for them to gain admission into the University for courses that often do not agree with the talents of such children.
This is how powerfully, for good or for bad, the influence of parents skew the lives of their off springs.
The Blame Culture
Some parents tend to blame their children whenever such children are not doing as well as expected in their various undertakings, such as academics, marriage, spiritual well being, moral behaviour, and other signposts of life.
Such parents think that because they have provided their children with shelter, clothing, school fees and taken them to worship centres to appreciate God, they have discharged their responsibilities fully or satisfactorily. They conclude thereafter that whatever the children eventually become in life are their personal choices exclusively!
This is far from the truth. The scope of their responsibilities for the children – right from their conception in the womb until they become truly independent – is much more comprehensive. If we fail to cover the grounds, as we should, we are surely going to be partakers of their eventualities or misfortunes in their immediate future.
Like the wise farmer who never stopped acting until he harvested his crops, parents ought to take the issue of parenting with all the seriousness it deserves. Failure to do this will waste all previous investments or inputs.
There are two aspects of a child’s life that a good parent must develop to the fullest: the spiritual i.e. the Godliness aspect and their growth patterns in that direction as well as ensuring that they practise what they are taught. The second aspect deals with temporal issues such as education, home training, dependency syndrome, and career, gaining independence, marriage and prosperity.
